My Life in Your Hands
by PatricianScholar
Summary: Hans' life in Arendelle had only four rules. Never speak to the Queen unless spoken to. Never look at the Queen unless permitted. Never touch the Queen. Never disobey the Queen's orders. Helsa Week 2015 prompts.
1. Chapter 1: Redemption

At days end Hans would stand at the wash basin and plunge his hands into the water. It was a habit now. His palms marred with hardened callouses felt nothing, but the heat that engulfed them made the ache subside. Tomorrow would be more of the same. The only thing that changed was the order.

"Walk with me." said Elsa. She swept her cloak behind her. He felt his mouth go dry as he snuck a glimpse before standing to the side. Normally, a gentleman would offer his arm. Not Hans. He wasn't allowed to touch her. He wasn't allowed to look at her. He wasn't allowed to speak to her. He must only follow orders.

They stopped at one of the portrait galleries. Surrounded by her predecessors Hans felt smaller than usual. They all had solemn looks on their faces, and though they each held a scepter, globe, or book it seemed their attention was squarely on him. In his mind they murmurred: traitor, usurper, and villain. When she cleared her throat he looked up to see scaffolds erected next to an unfinished portrait.

"Stay up there until Greger arrives. You will be his assistant for the day."

He bowed, but she had already turned her back to him.

Hans was a painter for three days. In that time he had gotten a good rapport with Greger. The man had a long beard which he tied into two seperate braids. Hans couldn't imagine why he bothered when paint still splattered and caked into the hair.

"So Hans, what did she start you off as?"  
"Stable boy."

Greger's laughter echoed through the gallery.

"Well, can't say I blame her. If anyone had done what you did I'd like you to eat horse shit myself. What next?"  
"Ditcher."  
"Like digging into hell itself?"  
"God yes! It felt like heaven when I got transferred to the kitchens."

Hans raised his hands palms out. "I got these from scrubbing all those kettles. Mind you, I became a slave to all those crafstmen before that. Thankfully, I assisted the blacksmith soon after. Took my anger out striking swords."

"Hans! Her majesty requests your presence in the library now!" He looked over the railing to spy Gerda tapping her foot in annoyance.

"You should get going. It may be important." said Greger. He squeezed Hans' shoulder and smiled.

"What makes you say that?"  
"You've worked at the palace for eight years and her grace still hasn't placed you in a permanent position? You don't find that suspect?"  
"I don't question my punishment."

That was the truth. Almost. The first three years were the hardest. Menial labour coupled with nights in a cell nearly drove him mad. Once that was over it was easy to forget his misery so long as she kept her distance. She hated him and he hated her. That was the truth.

He dashed down to the library and saw her perusing letters on the chaise longue. When she looked up at him she had a soft smile on her face. The tightening in his chest made him purse his lips.  
"I take it being a painter's assistant hasn't agreed with you?" She laid the documents in a neat pile and stood before him. "You look like someone's died."said Elsa

"Forgive me your majesty."  
"You're always saying that."

Her smile fell. Hans dug his nails into his palms to keep from apologizing again. There was a note of irritation in her voice though he couldn't think why. Before he could wonder any further she had licked her pointer finger and rubbed on a spot at his cheek.

"A bit of paint. Please, have a seat."  
"If your majesty permits I would prefer to stand. I do not wish to stain your cushions."

Elsa quirked a brow and returned to the chaise longue. Stretched in repose she looked so relaxed it unnerved him. "I've received a letter from your father."

"What?"  
"He says if I no longer have need of you then I may send you back."

She handed him one of the letters and he all but snatched it from her. What did father want? No. No it couldn't be! "I hadn't quite realized you had been here so long…"

Hans dropped to his knees. The constricting pain of fear seized him. It had finally come. The time spent in Arendelle was a torturous dream to prepare for this moment. It couldn't end like this. What could he do? What could he say? He flung the letter into the fire and with each crackle of parchement began to sob. "Elsa…please…I can't-"

"Hans what's wrong?"

He felt his heart might stop. God in heaven. She hugged him.

"Shh, I'm sorry. I didn't think it would affect you so much."  
"No."  
"It's over now. You can go home."

Elsa's fingers ran through his hair as she rocked him in her embrace. He had never felt so stupid. He had never felt this ugly in the arms of a woman. "No."

"Yes." She propped his chin up. Through the haze of tears her eyes were still so blue he felt like he was drowning. "You've suffered enough."

He withdrew from her, but she still held his hands in her own.

"Elsa, if I go home they'll kill me."

Her cheeks flashed crimson and he felt her soft hands tremble.

"But…that can't be true."  
"I have twelve older brothers. Nobody will notice if I'm gone."  
"He's your father, he can't possibly…what will your mother say?"  
"Sometimes parents don't always do what's best for their children."

Hans helped her to her feet and a strange understanding seemed to come over her expression. She let go of him and turned on her heel. He wiped the tears from his cheeks, but more came to take their place. How long had it been since he had last cried? In the tense silence that enveloped them he could do nothing but wait. Elsa had his life in her hands for a second time.

When she turned to him again her hands were folded over the other and her face was a cool mask of indifference. "Indentured servitude." said Elsa

"I beg your pardon?"  
"You have nothing save for the clothes on your back correct?"  
"Yes."  
"Yes what?"  
"Yes your majesty."

She stepped closer and said, "Kneel."

He stepped back and knelt, the posture ingrained since childhood. Hans remained kneeling despite the sudden arrival of her guards and what sounded like the plodding footsteps of Kai, the castle steward. Her voice was sharp and commanding.

"Hans Westergaard, prince of the Southern Isles we have seen you redeemed of your crimes against the crown of Arendelle. In the presence of the citizens of Arendelle and by the grace of God do you swear renouncement of your birthright to bear true and faithful allegiance to us and our heirs in the defence of our realm, its laws and people?"

"I, Hans Westergaard, renounce my birthright and all its vestiges and do swear that I will well and truly serve our Sovereign Queen Elsa, her heirs and successors, and to do right in the manner of all people after the laws and usages of this realm, without fear or favour, affection or illwill. So help me God."

"Then rise anew good sir as a member of our Queen's Guard."

He rose and the eruption of applause was deafening. Hans gazed into her beautiful face and couldn't help but match her own smile. Whatever came next it didn't matter. He was redeemed in her eyes. That was enough.


	2. Chapter 2: Wedding

The bouquet was a mass of ivory gardenias. Symbols of purity and joy. A round of applause and congratulations erupted around her. Elsa hadn't meant to catch them. She sat at the table nearest the chocolate tower to prevent such a thing. Turns out Princess Blaithin had quite an adept arm. The musicians struck a fast rhythm and the crowd that surrounded her dispersed to dance. "Your majesty, shall I take the flowers to your quarters?" said a voice by her ear

"That won't be necessary."

Elsa finished the last of her champagne. She glanced down to see familiar black boots by her side. The party was in full swing, perhaps it would be better for her to return once the waltzes had begun. Her light steps were accompanied by a strong military strut, and the jingle of a sword's hilt. Hans was an excellent shadow since joining her guard. They arrived at her chambers and he swept past to open the doors for her.

"Thank you." said Elsa

He bowed and moved to leave. At the corner of her eye she barely registered his retreat. However, an overwhelming anxiety settled in her stomach. Was it to be this way always? She saw more than felt the tips of her fingers begin to frost. The magic itching to let go. Then, without much thought she grabbed the sleeve of his uniform. "Your majesty?"

"I need you to stay. Just for a little while?"

Snowflakes danced lazily in their vision, but they faded as she took slow breathes. Hans held her hand and guided her to the bed. The plush mattress gave way as they sat side by side. She passed the bouquet to him, and he placed it on her bedside table.

"How may I be of service my queen?"

It was a strange thing to realize, but Elsa had not truly looked at Hans till now. In her mind he had always been something of a dark cloud over the castle. Once or twice she would spot him at work and her blood would begin to race with sheer hatred. Yet, he was now her protector. "Hans, have you ever thought of your wedding day?"

She bit her lip expecting him to laugh at her. Instead, he had gone stone still. Hans had a faraway look in his eyes. The green flickered in the warm hue of lamp light and she swore it was molten gold.

"Frankly your majesty, I believed my wedding day would be with you at my side."

Elsa tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Ah, because she was preferable. He had the same intentions as every other prince on her coronation. "That's precisely why I wanted to ask you this."

"How so?"  
"In the end, you never pursued me. Why?"

The question hung in the air. Time had stopped for the both of them. Why hadn't it gone as planned? Happily ever afters were things nobles were entitled to were they not? Hans pursed his lips like he had been punched in the gut. Elsa swore she could hear him grit his teeth until he grinned. "Forgive me Elsa, but do you fear you'll never see your wedding day?"

"Answer the question."

She crossed her arms in defiance. He chuckled and removed his helmet. The shock of red hair darker than Anna's. He pinched his nose with thumb and forefinger then said, "You do realize you're one of the most eligible queens in Europe?"

"If you refuse to answer then please leave."  
"I do not intend to offend your highness."

Elsa couldn't explain it, but the smirk on his face made her blood boil. She would like nothing more than to slap it off. "You mock me."

"Never."

Hans moved closer. A radiant heat seemed to come from his very skin. Elsa wanted more. What it was she wasn't sure, but she gripped the sheets and leaned back a fraction.

"Then why?"  
"You're my mirror."  
"What?"

He snaked a gloved hand behind her neck. The smell of the leather intoxicating. They were so close now the only thing she could see in his gaze was her reflection. It frightened her.

"They rejected you too didn't they?" said Hans  
"Who?"  
"The ones who were supposed to love you most."  
"I was dangerous."  
"Elsa, you were a little girl."

Frost clung to the bed post. Hans didn't react to it, lost in search of an answer of his own. Conceal. Don't feel. Had they shared the same mantra as children? Elsa licked her lips.

"Hans, let me go."

He released her. An alien sensation caused the first pinpricks of tears to well in downcast eyes. For the first time in forever, the cold bothered her.

"It wouldn't have worked out between us." said Hans  
"I don't understand."

He tilted her chin to look at him.

"Elsa, there were too many cracks to mend."

Neither knew who moved first. They collided in a chorus of gasps and sobs. Elsa held his jacket in a vice-like grip. Hans cupped her cheek so softly it was like a brush of feathers. All they could taste was salt and longing. And at its end there was solace in knowing mirrors always lied.


	3. Chapter 3: Family

It was all the better that the palace gardens were deserted. The rows of fir trees provided seclusion. They had grown so tall and evergreen that the crows nestled in their branches were unperturbed by the messy assault below them. Hans didn't want anyone to see him in this state. He hacked and slashed at the tree's trunk till the sword snagged deep and he was unable to pull it out. Dropping to his knees he beat the ground and screamed. The rustle of footsteps made him whirl around.

Anna's normally braided bun had been left to flowing red tresses, and with each angry shake of her fists they swayed like silken fire.

"I've been looking for you everywhere!" said Anna

Hans got up to unhinge his sword, then sheathed it into his scabbard.

"May I be of service princess?"  
"Hans don't you dare give me that service spiel!"  
"What do you expect me to do Anna?" The words came out harsher than he meant them to, but his eyes felt so raw, and it was getting hard to breathe.

Anna glared and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You fool! If you could only see what was right in front of you-"  
"Please, stop. I know she loves him-"

Thwack! The force of her slap struck him dumb. Hans could only watch slack-jawed as Anna's cheeks bloomed crimson.

"Idiot! She loves you!"

He wished it was true. Elsa had stood by her window watching the guests arrive for some time and all he could do was watch. Draped in a gossamer veil her emotions were foreign to him. Naturally, he was stationed by her door gritting his teeth to resist speaking to her. Her wedding dress was like a river of diamonds. It was bad luck to see the bride on her wedding day, but of course he wasn't the groom. She was forever unattainable for the likes of him. He would have to live with the memory of one true love's kiss.

"Anna, I don't know what you're trying to achieve but hours ago your sister wed."  
"Don't be smart with me alright? Elsa told me about your tryst!"

He chuckled, "It was hardly a tryst. We kissed. That was all. It didn't mean anything."

The lie felt like acid on his tongue. Anna sighed and cupped his sore cheek eliciting a hiss.

"Oops, sorry."  
"It's fine. I deserved it. I was foolish to think anything would change. I knew it wouldn't."  
"Hans…" They linked arms and began strolling back to the reception. "Believe me. It's not what you think."

"For old times sake I'll indulge you. Tell me why our fair queen isn't madly in love with the prince of Anhalt."  
"Because she can't."

Anna scratched the tip of her nose.

"Continue?" said Hans  
"He doesn't take pleasure in the company of ladies."  
"Wait, what?"

Speak of the devil. A muffled sneeze announced the arrival of his highness Prince Egbert Meer. Hans couldn't help but appraise him from head to toe. The newest addition to the royal family wasn't as handsome as his portrait, but was smartly dressed in a green tuxedo so dark it was almost black. A pair of round spectacles glinted in the light each time he pushed it up his button nose. It was distracting.

Hans left Anna's side and bowed as was customary.

"Your highness." said Hans

Egbert clicked his teeth and slipped past to take Anna's hand.

"Dearest Anna!" said Egbert. He placed the lightest of pecks to her knuckles. "Forgive me, but the party is dying without you and Elsa has her hands full with the village children."  
"Oh, I'm sure she can handle it. They love her and the people-"  
"Need the reassuring presence of a princess. Please, I insist. I'm afraid they haven't warmed up to me yet."

He flashed her a sympathetic smile. Anna slipped her hand out of his grasp and coughed sharing a sidelong glance in Hans' direction.

"Well, if it's really so much trouble…." said Anna  
"I apologize for my inexperience." said Egbert

Once Anna dashed off -sparing Hans a look of encouragement- the prince procured a handkerchief from his breast pocket and dabbed at watery eyes. He sniffled and faced Hans.

"So, you're Elsa's confidante?"  
"I serve in her queen's guard. Nothing more your highness."

Hans wasn't expecting an invite into the prince's private chambers. A table was set for three to take tea and cakes. Egbert sat down promptly and motioned for him to take a seat. Outside the party was still in full swing. The sound of glass shattering didn't disturb the prince at all. He raised a flaxen brow and said, "Elsa was adamant I speak with you."

"That is surprising."

Egbert hummed and sipped his tea.

"Hans, I realize this must be difficult for you but it needn't be so…"

In the seat opposite, Hans gripped the arm rests.

"My only wish is to see her happy." said Hans  
"The feeling is mutual." He leaned forward. "Which is why I'm here to propose a solution to our problem."

"I wasn't aware there was one."

Egbert laughed, "Forgive me for saying so, but we are not so different. I know the pain of loving someone from afar."

"Then you know the importance of duty."  
"Oh Hans! That goes without saying! In fact, you could say our duty to the realm is in jeopardy."

A lump formed in his throat as he stared at the prince. Egbert seemed nice, though there was an air of melancholy around him and Hans wasn't a stranger to it. He knew what the prince would ask next, could feel it in his bones. Hans gulped and counted his breathes. Egbert's fingers lightly tapped on the table.

"You know there's really no way to say this except…." Hans' gaze remained fixed on the prince's eyes which couldn't seem to look at him. "Hans, will you give Elsa and I an heir?" said Egbert

A familiar cool hand squeezed his shoulder. She was behind him. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of him.

"I'll give the two of you some privacy love." said Egbert. Hans watched him leave, but couldn't seem to face her. For a long time it was so quiet they could hear the kindling crackle in the fireplace. When she broke the silence her voice was gentle.

"I'm fond of him, but he will never be able to love me. It's not in his nature." said Elsa

Hans exhaled and turned around. Elsa's tears dripped to her collar bone, but she didn't emit a single whimper. Her rouge was ruined. Nevertheless, a weight seemed to have slipped off their shoulders. She smiled at him though her lips quivered. Did she really think he would reject her now? He pressed his forehead to her own, "The child will never have my name."

She sighed, "Does that bother you?"

"No."

Elsa giggled and Hans couldn't hide his smirk when her hands snaked up his arms to pull him closer. She whispered into his ear.

"Welcome to the family."


	4. Chapter 4: Fire

It worked out well, all things considered. Throughout the day Elsa had felt dreadful, and that was not appropriate for a wedding. But now, her family gathered in a way she had only seen in her dreams. Anna was at her side as always, rubbing comforting circles on her back.

"You're sure it will work?" said Anna

By the fire, Kristoff sat cross-legged stoking the flames.

"Those old farts won't suspect a thing." said Kristoff. He rummaged through his coat and pulled out a vile which he handed to her husband. Egbert inspected it for a moment before smiling.

"Believe me, reindeer blood smells just like any other. And if they contradict her….well, I'll be there to raise a fuss!" The prince consort made his best scandalized look complete with a hand to the breast and said, "The shame! The shame! Did we forget to draw the curtains? They've seen us in our naked glory"

Elsa giggled along with Anna and Kristoff, but Hans was suspiciously sullen. He sat visibly tense, softly scratching the bare skin between sleeve and cuff.

"So, I bid you both good night. They will be here soon and we must prepare." said Egbert as he placed a chaste kiss on Anna's cheek and shook Kristoff's outstretched hand. "And my sweet wife-"

Hans wasn't looking at her, but Elsa felt it was deliberate. Could he be having second thoughts about this arrangement? True, it was unorthodox. Nobody but a selected trustworthy individuals could ever find out. It would be a charade that lasted their entire lives.

"Elsa?"

And was it right to never tell any of her future children their father's true identity? Egbert had been her friend and Anna's since before the incident that plunged her kingdom into an icy wasteland. She had no notion he would ever betray them because he himself had been living a lie. A lie for love. It wasn't polite to gawk at him, but surely he would give away some sign.

"Yoo-hoo! Elsa?"

When he finally returned her gaze the smallest snowflake broke her concentration.

"Elsa you're snowing!"  
"What? Oh…I…I'm sorry."

Quickly, she brought her hands together till the ice collected in her palms. In a twinkling they disappeared.

"I will be outside till you need me." said Hans.  
"Good night." said Anna. She embraced her sister and smiled at Kristoff as they followed Hans out the door.

She watched their retreating backs and nearly jumped when Egbert placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you alright?" said Egbert  
"Fine." said Elsa

The cotton nightgown was light on her skin and the silk ribbon at the waist cool to the touch. Egbert had managed to change into his own pajamas fairly quickly and helped her slip into an intricate lace robe. Elsa twirled and he nodded with approval.

"I'll return in the morning." said Egbert

Elsa licked her lips and gulped when three loud knocks came from the door.

"Enter." said Elsa

Father Elias -hair covered by a leather cap- came in with a retinue of clergymen and they surrounded the royal couple. Elsa and Egbert joined hands as they climbed into bed. The men in their holy frocks bowed their heads in unison, and began an ancient chant. Grey eyes glinting, Father Elias extended his hand over the couple.

"May the Lord bless you, and watch over you that no harm shall befall our queen and kingdom in this most sacred of duties."

The chanting became a drone pierced by the ringing of a single bell. Once more they bowed to the couple and in single file scurried out. Father Elias smiled at them like the kindest of grandfathers before he too departed. When the room was bathed in silence Egbert jumped out of bed and headed for the double doors that led to the private sitting room.

"You're leaving now?"  
"I promised Jacob I wouldn't be long. He's probably waiting in the cold. Mind if I take the quilt?"  
"No…."  
"Great."

He wrapped it around himself like a toga, carrying the excess cloth in his hands.

"Good luck Egg." said Elsa

Halfway through the door, he peeked back to give her a wink then scampered into the night. She told herself he would be fine. Anna had shone them the secret passages and in any case she needed to brush her hair before bed. Quietly, she sat at her dressing table to unfurl her braid and smooth the curls. Elsa knew she wouldn't bleed, a childhood on horseback had seen to that, but for appearances sake they concocted the plan to smear the sheets with the blood Kristoff had procured from a leeched reindeer. Now, all that was left to do was get on with it. Yes. If she decided to wait any longer she would always be waiting. Elsa opened the door a fraction. In the dark she saw him flex his fingers before he noticed the light and turned around.

"Hans?"  
"Elsa."

She gripped the door knob harder to steady herself.

"Come in."

She locked the door behind him and turned on her heel. Hans laid his coat on the chair closest to the fireplace then placed his sword and scabbard next to it. He didn't take his gloves off.

"Elsa, we don't have to do this now."

Whether from relief or nerves Elsa laughed. Hans pursed his lips and reached for his coat. She stopped him with a hand over his own. He bristled, and that wasn't a reaction she expected.

"Hans, what's wrong?"  
"It's nothing. I'm just tired."

A dark aura settled over his features. His skin flushed pink to camouflage the freckles dusted across his nose. Gently, she stroked his cheek until he leaned into her touch.

"You don't have to tell me." said Elsa

The sliver of neck uncovered from his ascot made her pause until he said, "Would you like a massage?"

"Excuse me?"  
"I need you to sit down for this." He held her hand as he guided her to the benched ottoman. "This is hard for me to explain."

"Hans, whatever it is I won't think any less of you."

He held her gaze without a smile or a twitch. Elsa struggled to ignore the sting that signaled her eyes beginning to water. She blinked demurely and turned her back to him. Their relationship had always been characterized by an ebb and pull. Queen and prince. Monster and hunter. What were they now? Surely she couldn't think of him as her lover. Not yet at least. One kiss. It wasn't real. She had simply felt overwhelmed by her emotions. The cushions puffed up as he took a seat behind her. What did he have to hide? She should've thought this through. But he had read her emotions so well! She should've discussed her feelings with Anna. She….

She moaned.

"There's a particularly hard knot there." said Hans. His breath fanned the hairs at the back of her neck. Rough fingers dragged along her collar bone then rested at the tops of her shoulders. A shiver went down her spine. Elsa kept her hands folded in her lap. That familiar sensation of heat radiated from his touch. Oh god. He never broke contact as he slid his hands down the expanse of her back. She wanted to see his face. She needed to see his face. It was a fever, an urgency to quench. Hans kneaded a spot between her shoulder blades and instinctively she arched into it. He stopped.

"Hans please…"

Her breathing was shallow, and she couldn't remember the last time she had felt this warm. Slowly, he embraced her and she sighed as he nuzzled the crook of her neck. The light from the fireplace had long died. In the dark Elsa imagined perhaps their hearts were in sync. She reached behind her to stroke his hair, but only managed to graze the softness of his ear lobe.

"I love you Elsa."  
"Hans, what is this about?"

His grip on her hip loosened. Finally, he discarded one of his gloves.

"Watch."  
"Alright."

It flickered then sprung to life in his palm. The smallest sunset in existence burning only for her. Elsa had never seen a more beautiful flame.


End file.
